Ariel Cook

Introduction
Neurodivergent women—those with autism, ADHD, or other cognitive differences—are often under immense pressure to suppress or conceal their authentic selves in order to conform to societal expectations. This process, known as “masking,” parallels what psychologist Connie Zweig and Carl Jung identify as “the shadow”—the denied, exiled, or unconscious aspects of the psyche (Jung, 1959/1990; Zweig, 1991). Understanding this relationship provides crucial insight into the psychological costs women incur in the pursuit of “normalcy” and suggests pathways toward healing through compassionate self-integration. As Ralph Waldo Emerson (1841/2003) observed, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment,”.

Connie Zweig, Carl Jung, and the Shadow
Carl Jung defined the shadow as the collection of rejected traits, emotions, and impulses that are incompatible with one’s conscious self-image or societal norms (Jung, 1959/1990). He explained that, “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is” (Jung, 1959/1990, p. 131). These denied aspects, while often perceived as negative, also contain creative potential and vital energy that, when ignored, distort both self-concept and relationships. Jung emphasized that failure to integrate the shadow results in projection—unconscious disowning of traits onto others—which can fuel conflict and alienation.

Connie Zweig expands Jung’s framework, noting that childhood, particularly for girls, often involves forming a “shadow bag,” a metaphor for the accumulation of forbidden traits and desires pushed into unconscious storage. Over time, this burden exerts increasing influence on decision-making, relationships, and psychological well-being unless its contents are recognized and integrated. Importantly, Zweig underscores that the shadow is not merely destructive; it contains disowned talents and authentic desires that, when acknowledged, become sources of vitality and wholeness. This emphasis resonates with Brené Brown’s (2010) claim that authenticity is “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are,” a process requiring courage, boundaries, and vulnerability.

Masking and Neurodivergence in Women
Masking, or camouflaging, is a strategy commonly employed by neurodivergent women to mimic social norms, suppress stimming, and even rehearse “appropriate” expressions or conversational responses. These strategies often become so automatic that women remain unaware of them until adolescence or adulthood (Hull et al., 2017). Although masking may provide temporary protection from stigma, research consistently shows it comes at significant psychological cost, including increased risk of anxiety, depression, and burnout (Cage & Troxell-Whitman, 2019).

Brown (2019) emphasizes that without boundaries, true compassion and empathy are impossible. Masking illustrates this principle vividly: when women continually override their authentic needs and traits to meet social expectations, they compromise not only their own selfhood but also the possibility of authentic connection. The absence of boundaries leads to inauthentic survival strategies rather than genuine belonging.

Shadow and Masking: The Inward Exile
What Zweig calls the “shadow bag” closely parallels the lived experience of masked neurodivergent women. Traits such as sensitivity, intensity, or creativity—often incompatible with rigid social norms—are hidden or denied, resulting in a divided self. Jung (1959/1990) argued that such repression generates “blind spots” that manifest as self-criticism, mistrust, and emotional detachment. Women who engage in chronic masking frequently describe feeling like “strangers to themselves,” enacting socially acceptable roles that ensure survival but undermine joy and authenticity.

Authenticity, as Brown (2010) emphasizes, is not simply a personal preference but a disciplined practice of aligning one’s inner values with outward actions. For neurodivergent women, authenticity requires rejecting the exhausting performance of masking and instead cultivating the courage to be visible in their full humanity. Jung (1961/1995) described this process as individuation, writing that, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are” (p. 174). Far from being self-indulgent, authenticity functions as a foundation for psychological resilience, self-respect, and genuine intimacy. When women embrace authenticity, they reclaim not only their identities but also their capacity for joy, creativity, and connection.

Negative Effects of Denied Neurodivergence
Research highlights several consequences of chronic masking and shadow denial in neurodivergent women:

• Mental Health Decline: Masking is strongly correlated with heightened anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation (Cassidy et al., 2018).
• Burnout and Exhaustion: Prolonged masking can lead to autistic burnout, marked by collapse in daily functioning (Raymaker et al., 2020).
• Loss of Identity: Women often report difficulty distinguishing between authentic self and social performance, leading to erosion of self-confidence (Mandy, 2019).
• Relational Disharmony: Jung (1959/1990) cautioned that disowned shadow traits resurface in projection, fueling cycles of blame, misunderstanding, and distance in relationships.
• Reduced Quality of Life: Denial of neurodivergent identity is linked to low self-esteem, delayed diagnosis, and impaired well-being (Botha & Frost, 2020).

The Path of Integration
Both Jung and Zweig view healing not as eliminating flaws but as integrating hidden or disowned traits into conscious awareness. Jung (1961/1995) described individuation as the process of uniting opposites within the psyche to form a more complete self. For neurodivergent women, this means reclaiming traits historically deemed unacceptable—such as hyperfocus, sincerity, and originality—as authentic strengths rather than deficits.

Brown (2010, 2019) situates this process within the framework of authenticity and belonging, arguing that practicing vulnerability and boundaries fosters resilience and connection. By “meeting the shadow” with compassion rather than judgment, women can repair internalized shame, reclaim agency, and cultivate relationships grounded in honesty. As Zweig notes, “We cannot eliminate the unconscious; the point is to become increasingly aware and to relate to it” (Zweig, 1991, p. xx). Integration, then, is less about perfection than about living authentically, embracing both shadow and light.

Conclusion
The convergence of Jung’s theory of the shadow, Zweig’s contemporary applications, and Brown’s insights on authenticity illuminates a path forward for neurodivergent women navigating masking and its consequences. Authenticity is not simply a personal preference but a profound act of resistance against shame and conformity. By setting boundaries, embracing imperfection, and integrating the shadow, women can transform survival into wholehearted living. In this sense, Emerson’s assertion rings true: to be oneself, in defiance of pressure to be otherwise, remains among the greatest human accomplishments.

References

Botha, M., & Frost, D. M. (2020). Extending the minority stress model to understand mental health problems experienced by the autistic population. Society and Mental Health, 10(1), 20–34. https://doi.org/10.1177/2156869318804297

Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.

Brown, B. (2019). Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House.

Cage, E., & Troxell-Whitman, Z. (2019). Understanding the reasons, contexts and costs of camouflaging for autistic adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(5), 1899–1911. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-018-03878-x

Cassidy, S., Bradley, P., Shaw, R., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2018). Risk markers for suicidality in autistic adults. Molecular Autism, 9(1), 42. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13229-018-0226-4

Emerson, R. W. (2003). Self-reliance and other essays. Dover Publications. (Original work published 1841)

Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M. C., & Mandy, W. (2017). “Putting on my best normal”: Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5

Jung, C. G. (1990). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self (R. F. C. Hull, Trans.). Princeton University Press. (Original work published 1959)

Jung, C. G. (1995). Memories, dreams, reflections (A. Jaffé, Ed.; R. & C. Winston, Trans.). Vintage. (Original work published 1961)

Mandy, W. (2019). Social camouflaging in autism: Is it time to lose the mask? Autism, 23(8), 1879–1881. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361319878559

Raymaker, D. M., Teo, A. R., Steckler, N. A., Lentz, B., Scharer, M., Delos Santos, A., … & Nicolaidis, C. (2020). “Having all of your internal resources exhausted beyond measure and being left with no clean-up crew”: Defining autistic burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), 132–143. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2019.0079

Zweig, C. (1991). Meeting the shadow: The hidden power of the dark side of human nature. Jeremy P. Tarcher.